Wow, cool start, and awesome day.
As you may or may not know, I am reprising my role as Harker.
Bill McNulty is directing the play. During his opening comments to us he said something just as I was thinking it. "To the people coming back: Don't think you have to do it all the same. You and I are different people than we where a year ago".
God... that just nailed it for me. After a year of Yoga and therapy I know I am different. But, as actors we are always looking for permission. It's a habit I fight all the time, and on my best days I ignore the fear of being judged as stupid, or incompetent, or being thought of as "just a ham" actor. On the not so good days, I give in to these crazy thoughts. I, little by little, turn into a Smeagol of a person and actor. Well, not this time and not today.
So, how does this brave and authentic actor show up? That is the question... the quest. For the most part I am very happy with all of my choices. I'm even a little embarrassed to say I even think many of my line readings are pretty spot on. Of course, my work is not without a minor bump or seam. And, I will attend to them. I have some good ideas how to improve, given I've had a year to go over different interpretations and choices.
Okay...so what then. .........
Sure, I could give you all the crap "teachers" give you. Mainly, dig deeper.
But why, where, and how to let those choices show up in the play without damaging it is the real trick. But, lets stay positive.
Then I came up with two ideas.
The first-
Pride, pride, and pride. Ownership over Lucy runs this man. These deep, deep feelings motivate Harker to franticly, recklessly, and (in some parts) life-threateningly hunt for Dracula. He chases after Dracula like an animal. And, little by little, becomes more of an animal in his pursuit. Hard to swallow, I know. I wish I could tell you more. But I don't want to ruin it, by explaining it all away.
I've come to think and feel that deep down most people are, especially in dramas, driven by negative thoughts and feelings. And in order to live with ourselves, we look for "unselfish" or "noble" rationalizations to disguise the undesirable feelings so that we can be okay with getting what we want.
Bad guys, don't do that... hence they are "bad". Like Natasha in The Three Sisters.
The second (are harder)
I need to let go, jump, and fall. I need to breath. God, easier said than done for me. I'll try to score the breath a little better. However, my goal is to stop acting and really be Joe. A Joe that happens to be called a different name, living under a different set of circumstances, and raised differently. I think this idea is finally moving from an idea to a visceral feeling. Which means, I'm not in my head and I have some sense of body memory. It's scary...but Andrea Roberts (my therapist) told me there is more control and freedom in falling than in holding on. Well, time to be brave and do it.
Okay--some cool things done, said, observed or learned at the fist read.
The actor playing Seward- is producing a wonderful softness in voice that transforms him, but more importantly is making me (an audience member) view him as a much more fragile Seward than last year's. However, I am a big fan of last year's Seward, and am eager to see how this actor will handle the "hotter" (passionate) parts of the role.
Reinfield- The actor is adhering more to punctuation. To be exact, long sentences are being held in one breath: making for a brainer Reinfield. I'm also eager to see how he will add deeper peaks and valleys.
Lucy- So great. Period. My inspiration to be a better actor. Every line different, than the one before. Creating beautiful changes from sentence to sentence.
And her breathing. Wow. So there and effortless.
Result- a real living breathing person (actor) with tremendous technique.
She didn't ask permission... she took it... and didn't fail to deliver.
Makes me remember something I was told about camera acting. "If you look down, in a medium or close shot, when you look up next you better have a storm brewing" And she did. If you take the time to stop, it better come back from a different place.
Big Day.
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